“The boys in my world are damaged.”

The boys in my world these days

Not just the ones i date

But the ones who spend time with my friends ;are almost the same. They are ages Ninteen,twenty two and three.

They may appear as deep as the next guy

But the boys in my world like to wear masks

On mask..on mask.ontop of another mask.And everytime you take one off,and you think you’ve finally figured them out,they’ll prove you wrong.The boys in my world they practice some new magic ;Now you see me now you dont.

Occlumence,legilimence -the whole show.

The boys in my world like to say goodbye.They do it quite a number of times -at times citing invalid reasons.They’re very good at playing hide and go seek.

When it suits them,they’ll hide for hours that feel like months only to come out and yell ‘im here!’ just when you think it best to give up looking for them.They like to think they came emotionally prepared because they want to limit the L’s they take,however they cry in silence when they think no one’s watching.

The boys in my world dont play fair with the girls in their world,although they sometimes have trouble admitting this,they have already assimilated to the teachings of the outside world.The toys they collect come in different sizes and shapes of female.

The boys in my world,like to have a lot of fun.If fun consists of booze or smoke count them in.You can say the boys in my world date drugs and abuse women.

The boys in my world,are damaged.They wear their ‘hurts’ on their sleeves.They will feed off affection wherever they can find it and still remain insatiable.Sometimes you don’t know this until you realize they’ve gone too deep into your cosmic energy,And energy,if not exchanged or replenished remains non-renewable.

The boys in my world,like to be both foolish and brave

And With them,Its hard to know what will come next ,most of the time they think alot more than they listen,i think very few of them still know what it means to ‘understand’.Deep down,they are struggling.If asked,they will tell you that for the longest time they’ve been aliens in their own world.

Coco – not the movie-not the song.

Midnight.

The silence was defeaning

But she could sense it.The stench wrapped itself around her nostrils -so punget tears stung her eyes.

The mistress was in distress.

Alright,lets see what im fighting this time.

Mother used to tell me you’re all so needy.She also told me that dogs are not very clever.Funny enough,i share the same sentiments when it comes to the little mongrel who lives next door.

Bounding softly up the stairs it was a good thing she had natural soft-pads for feet…

Uh -oh

she stopped short of the mistress’s door.

It was slightly ajar

Anuka had left the lights on in her room and the visual result of darkness meeting light right at the narrow space of her door was mesmerizing.She stared at the colorful dust particles moving between light and air and finally pushed the door open with her body. Her eyes scanned the room and fell on the almost-fading shadows moving against the ceiling and the bedroom walls

It was almost impossible not to notice them

Im almost envious of how you forget to switch off the lights every night.

Of course she knew the young mistress assumed it was her own mother who switched them off.

But never the cat.

And for a minute she was tempted by the thought of quickly sprinting outside and coming back with dirt on her paw …you know.., just to leave a bit of evidence when she switches off the lights

Anyway,i dont have time to cause such brilliant mischief..i gotta go pee in a few minutes so enjoy the purring while it lasts.

You mustve been up waiting on something …

She spotted the phone on her limp hand

-or someone.

Damnit,i told you boys are both overrated and stupid..well,i suppose i dont really ‘tell’ you but there’s that look i give you that should say alot of things..surely,my eyes dont lie.

Coco pretended the maneuver to the top of the desk was more of a cat tree and less of a rubble of a surprising amount boxes,books and trinkets.

Reaching up she pressed her paw on the switch emersing the room in complete darkness.

Anuka slightly shifted and a little groan of protest escaped her lips.

Oh well,lets get to it then..

She stalked foward,avoiding the objects on the floor with easy grace and jumped onto Anuka’s mattress prowled around and came to sit on what she believed was the top of Anuka’s head.

Her keen eyes soon adjusted and found the shadows one by one..they were dark enough but she could still make them out.

Moving foward she settled on the mistress’ shoulders.

But you wont be wanting me anymore,will you?i know what you’re going to do.

I may not be able to speak back but that does not mean i cant hear you.I bet you didnt know i was napping in the cabbage patch when she came by.

But as much as Coco wanted to hate the mistress she just couldnt do it..Anuka had been kind to her. Besides she’d taken care of her mama as well ..and she was so sure she’d take care of one of her young just as she did her.A part of her family will always be around as long as the mistress was alive,and that was fine with her.

Soon as she started purring,Anuka’s body instinctively relaxed underneath hers and the shadows dissolved into thin air.

Sleep.

*******××****

Anuka felt the slight weight on her head and flinched

What in the heck..

The rest of her lower body was cold,numb and unfeeling.Where was her blanket?

Am i experiencing sleep paralysis?

What was i dreaming about again?

I shouldn’t have had the leftover beans

Then she felt it..a sort of vibration.

Thats the weight she felt..it was warm and soft.

That sound

What was it?

She needed to remember where she was first..then remember how to move.

Her limbs felt like cold limp rahmen..

But as the tiny vibrations went on she slowly regained the feel of her arms,reaching up to examine the weight between her shoulders.Her fingers met with fur…alot of fur

Loco Coco

Thats it,

earlier on she’d been stressing about the cat since she’d made up her mind to give the creature to the nice young couple living across the street

Coco mustve sensed the silent acknowledgment because she responded with a loud purr and her little body vibrated like a tiny motor .But Coco wasnt just a cat to her.Coco was family.She could never get used to not having her around.Under the table,inside the cabinet,inside the boxes she litters her room with and inside her dad’s running shoes.The feline brushed her head along her hand and plopped down beside her.

You always know when to show up.

She gazed off into the darkness for a few minutes and whispered

Stay for a while longer,Coco.I still need you.’

The furry bundle beside her released a soft sigh,tucked itself closer to her body and the little motor-engine began to purr.

Pen,paper and blood.

Words of mind and blood

Offer solidity

Dont fail me now

Make sense of obscurity

Lead me to the light

When the darkness sights futility.

An asylum where the holy mental shift is divine

A blind for all the flaws i spot meet and dine,

offer me a glass of fine wine,

stability when these knees decline,

Take me

Not for granted

But as all the expectations you hope to manage

In the end I’ll still remain an artful damage

A beautiful mind,a soul incarnate

An agent of sentimental carnage

Good luck with the second sentence.

I dont get it.

The tenants in my head have stopped playing metallica.Its gone so silent inside there and i just dont get it.No,im not complaining,the metallica was a noise hazard at times but they did pay valuable rent.My creative juices wont flow and to put it in other words;the poltergeists have been banished,there are no bees in the room,no pram in the hall,no..nothing.

As a writer,you enjoy this priviledge of living in your head..where everything comes alive;characters and stories.Man I live off my imagination,I thrive in it!But lately,its been all silent for me..as i said.i dont get it.Maybe i need to read other people’s content??Yeah,thats probably going to help.So i head on over to WordPress and spot Icy Rainbows and The Neck Breaker…and i find such amazing stuff per usual,Ivy,code name:Icy Rainbows said she always finds thought provoking articles .And i start to wonder why i didn’t do it sooner (also,i have this odd thought that some of my articles are not too relatable childish and immaturely writtenI hate reading my thoughts sometimes,I think that they are all broken,disjointed thoughts that dont go anwhere and my audience deserves better.God,im inspired to write..something more easier..why do i feel so unskilled..so inadequate?

But oh well,suddenly i feel like my friends up there,seeing Joel’s content have had their interests piqued.So i settle down,go to my Canvas hoping to do some…painting .The good artful comprehendable type😄.See some artists are rather violent.Don’t get me wrong,i like it.So passionate,so fierce…however a stereotypical imagery of how male artists are projected in the media pops up,why have the mandem look like William Levy from Addiction..or that other Indian Guy from Fitoor?someone answer me.

So you see,i have my canvas,but i really dont know what to write..or i may in fact have an idea of what to write but the problem is how I’ll proceed…like what comes after.So I wrote a line,genius!brilliant!oH my God nice!..but how am i going to proceed friends?How do I progress?The second sentence is always the hardest

I’ll tell you how I’ll proceed.I’ll look for inspiration somewhere,in my music.And I’ll pop in my headphones and listen to some nice tunes…Progress here we come.

But what I’ll write will feel so little.Like poetry…like random words i just wrote up..will it even put out what i intended to spark?(😊see what i did there?put out&spark?)…yeeeeah,i tried,right?…right?

“Its not enough” i tell myself..i end up feeling like they are just words…words that dont make me inwardly smile anymore..not for humor but just because i feel like ‘i did something good there,yeah’

I’ll call out to my friends a couple few times after that.You know its mentally exhausting..sitting there,staring blankly at something with maybe a piece of paper and some ink..or maybe just your phone,while you go deep into the Jungle of a labyrinth that is your mind to look for friends you’ve never seen but meet everyday on the bus to &fro home when you’d really not engage in conversation with the person seated next to you eating Kdf until you notice he didnt take water to-go (😂this is Joel’s plight..Him and the pink elephant in his head.Darn right,that was a very odd thing to say,man).Everytime when you’re somewhere alone and not in anyone else’s company,those couple of times when your introverted self is forced into a social gathering and you straight up zone out every 10 minutes while people are talking…or when you’re deep into your elbowroom looking for muse and something pops up that you need to write about..But you cant anymore,and you can only ‘talk’ to your mind.BecAuse all the invisible friends in your head have decided to give you the silent treatment.

Social awkwardness and a girl.

“Tell me about yourself,”At first you begin to wonder where and how you’ll start because your mind is a myriad of thoughts that only lasts for a couple of seconds only to be replaced by others and You’re positive you’re still on your way to discovering certain things about..well, Certain things.So You laugh nervously while You try to figure out what to tell and what to leave behind because,..well because You might end up saying things you may look back and think

“God,that was an awkward stupid thing to say, why didnt i stop?”

But no…someone just wouldnt shut up

FLUERS DU MAL.

‘She was more himself than he was and whatever souls were made from,his and hers were bequenth with the same stuff.’

Fucking Wuthering Heights,that was awesome ,tops off to you .I read that when I was pissing tears and living off memories of a boy who will never love me forever like I imagined in my head .And so I added mine own words

…happiness is not meant to be stored in jars and captured in frames and made to stay,lasting long enough only to be replaced by a tightening in one’s gut,one breath later,his tongue felt dry as parchment,why smoke himself to self-damnation?scolding in his own den beneath as she took all the light with her and left him in the dark.A period of reflection succeeding that silly action compelled him to admit the necessity of smothering his pride,mayhap it was time to grovel at her feet.It seemed that heaven was no longer his home,and he broke his heart with weeping on his way down to earth.And the angel was so angry she reached behind her and pulled out her wings,setting them apart,she used them as arrows to shoot at him even as he was still falling.She cried out once,a silent sound that was rather felt than heard and fell to her knees.Yet she was still glorius even in her dismay.

And he stood there and felt the forces of the world ;good and evil bear down upon him,almost suffocating Him,and he choked in his own nicotine,sudden nausea assaulted him on his way down the spiralling descent to self-loathing and guilt,the need to do good and desire to also sin.The presence of other beings,the oddity of living only to meet an impending demise.In his mind it was all an apocalyptic scene.

“He had dreamt in his life dreams that had stayed with him ever after and had gone through and through him, like wine through water and altered the colour of his mind.And if his life was all black and white then,as opposed to varying shades of grey,then so be it.Because black is the absence of all colors,white was the presence of it and life must be one or the other.One could not experience life without misery.A grey life would mean no misery and no joy either,only endless placidity and dreary depression.”

Since When had he suddenly become this philosophical?He asked to copy of Wuthering Heights that lay before him.The outside world was raining heavily,did God perhaps send it to absolve the earth of mankid’s ridiculously multiple Sins?Alas,but man,in nature,is a sinner.No,rain just wont do,perhaps We need something more than rain,a second Saviour?more prophets?more books?another set of commandments?more time?Wait,perhaps…a Miracle??

“Woe unto us,debased souls,shall we nevermore look upon the heavens,doom will lead us to the other shore,into eternal darkness;into fire and frost.”

Had it all come to that then?The thought of not being forgiven further fueled his fire,nothing is too high for a daring mortal,he would storm heaven itself in his folly and beg for her forgivenss from there.

And for a moment, the world was poised between absence and desire,between blood and fear,between warmth of the summer and the icy depths of Winter.

Rebels(All the lovely bad ones)

Round and around and around We went.Learnt to sweet talk mother into letting have the loose change before We knew how to tie our shoes,mother’s secret little loves and the sparkle of laughter in father’s eyes after he finds out we’ve been up to mischief.We rule the house with a playful fist,Always the cause of the laughter and fits,mostly the Ones behind mother’s broken dish.We like swings and loose ropes,We love the taste of life;bitter sweet.


We are lovely, We are bad.We are a little naughty,a little sad.

        
And now we’re too old,for the carousels and the bycicle rides and the ice cream trucks.Too grown to chase the old man’s dog,and now she’s probably had a litter of pups
We’ve seen all of life and there’s nothing more to write,but there still remains one more thing to do and everywhere else to go.Its time to go to the window and look at reality through the eyes of a dreamer.

Let’s creep past the hours and notice time doesnt love us anymore,lets go outside and stare at the firmament.Up on the clouds,there we will build our forever home because forever doesnt seem far anymore.

Look at me and witness life.Aint it a grand time to be alive?to escape the roads and take a little path.You look so alive right now,so vital with life,a bumble bee comes to land on your nose and i think its just right,What used to hurt doesnt anymore;we’ve come to understand the philosophies of life.

When We were too young,with emotions plasterd all over the place,We would throw the sad memories,the bad memories at the walls and they would ricochette.Making mistake in twos and watching them piroutte,getting excited over texts,sorround ourselves with loose friends and sleep till the days of next.

Growing up is a process ,if ever you find yourself feeling caged it’s probably because life likes to say ‘Fuck you !’ sometimes,you can do all the good and wild things you wanna do because the world will inspire you to

We smile because the worst is yet to come,We smile because we’re lucky to see the sun.The future is forgiven as long as We live in the here and now.Made in heights,We are kites and We hold on.We could be here for a while only till time comes knocking on our door telling us we’re not needed around anymore.