Good luck with the second sentence.

I dont get it.

The tenants in my head have stopped playing metallica.Its gone so silent inside there and i just dont get it.No,im not complaining,the metallica was a noise hazard at times but they did pay valuable rent.My creative juices wont flow and to put it in other words;the poltergeists have been banished,there are no bees in the room,no pram in the hall,no..nothing.

As a writer,you enjoy this priviledge of living in your head..where everything comes alive;characters and stories.Man I live off my imagination,I thrive in it!But lately,its been all silent for me..as i said.i dont get it.Maybe i need to read other people’s content??Yeah,thats probably going to help.So i head on over to WordPress and spot Icy Rainbows and The Neck Breaker…and i find such amazing stuff per usual,Ivy,code name:Icy Rainbows said she always finds thought provoking articles .And i start to wonder why i didn’t do it sooner (also,i have this odd thought that some of my articles are not too relatable childish and immaturely writtenI hate reading my thoughts sometimes,I think that they are all broken,disjointed thoughts that dont go anwhere and my audience deserves better.God,im inspired to write..something more easier..why do i feel so unskilled..so inadequate?

But oh well,suddenly i feel like my friends up there,seeing Joel’s content have had their interests piqued.So i settle down,go to my Canvas hoping to do some…painting .The good artful comprehendable type๐Ÿ˜„.See some artists are rather violent.Don’t get me wrong,i like it.So passionate,so fierce…however a stereotypical imagery of how male artists are projected in the media pops up,why have the mandem look like William Levy from Addiction..or that other Indian Guy from Fitoor?someone answer me.

So you see,i have my canvas,but i really dont know what to write..or i may in fact have an idea of what to write but the problem is how I’ll proceed…like what comes after.So I wrote a line,genius!brilliant!oH my God nice!..but how am i going to proceed friends?How do I progress?The second sentence is always the hardest

I’ll tell you how I’ll proceed.I’ll look for inspiration somewhere,in my music.And I’ll pop in my headphones and listen to some nice tunes…Progress here we come.

But what I’ll write will feel so little.Like poetry…like random words i just wrote up..will it even put out what i intended to spark?(๐Ÿ˜Šsee what i did there?put out&spark?)…yeeeeah,i tried,right?…right?

“Its not enough” i tell myself..i end up feeling like they are just words…words that dont make me inwardly smile anymore..not for humor but just because i feel like ‘i did something good there,yeah’

I’ll call out to my friends a couple few times after that.You know its mentally exhausting..sitting there,staring blankly at something with maybe a piece of paper and some ink..or maybe just your phone,while you go deep into the Jungle of a labyrinth that is your mind to look for friends you’ve never seen but meet everyday on the bus to &fro home when you’d really not engage in conversation with the person seated next to you eating Kdf until you notice he didnt take water to-go (๐Ÿ˜‚this is Joel’s plight..Him and the pink elephant in his head.Darn right,that was a very odd thing to say,man).Everytime when you’re somewhere alone and not in anyone else’s company,those couple of times when your introverted self is forced into a social gathering and you straight up zone out every 10 minutes while people are talking…or when you’re deep into your elbowroom looking for muse and something pops up that you need to write about..But you cant anymore,and you can only ‘talk’ to your mind.BecAuse all the invisible friends in your head have decided to give you the silent treatment.

Social awkwardness and a girl.

“Tell me about yourself,”At first you begin to wonder where and how you’ll start because your mind is a myriad of thoughts that only lasts for a couple of seconds only to be replaced by others and You’re positive you’re still on your way to discovering certain things about..well, Certain things.So You laugh nervously while You try to figure out what to tell and what to leave behind because,..well because You might end up saying things you may look back and think

“God,that was an awkward stupid thing to say, why didnt i stop?”

But no…someone just wouldnt shut up

FLUERS DU MAL.

‘She was more himself than he was and whatever souls were made from,his and hers were bequenth with the same stuff.’

Fucking Wuthering Heights,that was awesome ,tops off to you .I read that when I was pissing tears and living off memories of a boy who will never love me forever like I imagined in my head .And so I added mine own words

…happiness is not meant to be stored in jars and captured in frames and made to stay,lasting long enough only to be replaced by a tightening in one’s gut,one breath later,his tongue felt dry as parchment,why smoke himself to self-damnation?scolding in his own den beneath as she took all the light with her and left him in the dark.A period of reflection succeeding that silly action compelled him to admit the necessity of smothering his pride,mayhap it was time to grovel at her feet.It seemed that heaven was no longer his home,and he broke his heart with weeping on his way down to earth.And the angel was so angry she reached behind her and pulled out her wings,setting them apart,she used them as arrows to shoot at him even as he was still falling.She cried out once,a silent sound that was rather felt than heard and fell to her knees.Yet she was still glorius even in her dismay.

And he stood there and felt the forces of the world ;good and evil bear down upon him,almost suffocating Him,and he choked in his own nicotine,sudden nausea assaulted him on his way down the spiralling descent to self-loathing and guilt,the need to do good and desire to also sin.The presence of other beings,the oddity of living only to meet an impending demise.In his mind it was all an apocalyptic scene.

“He had dreamt in his life dreams that had stayed with him ever after and had gone through and through him, like wine through water and altered the colour of his mind.And if his life was all black and white then,as opposed to varying shades of grey,then so be it.Because black is the absence of all colors,white was the presence of it and life must be one or the other.One could not experience life without misery.A grey life would mean no misery and no joy either,only endless placidity and dreary depression.”

Since When had he suddenly become this philosophical?He asked to copy of Wuthering Heights that lay before him.The outside world was raining heavily,did God perhaps send it to absolve the earth of mankid’s ridiculously multiple Sins?Alas,but man,in nature,is a sinner.No,rain just wont do,perhaps We need something more than rain,a second Saviour?more prophets?more books?another set of commandments?more time?Wait,perhaps…a Miracle??

“Woe unto us,debased souls,shall we nevermore look upon the heavens,doom will lead us to the other shore,into eternal darkness;into fire and frost.”

Had it all come to that then?The thought of not being forgiven further fueled his fire,nothing is too high for a daring mortal,he would storm heaven itself in his folly and beg for her forgivenss from there.

And for a moment, the world was poised between absence and desire,between blood and fear,between warmth of the summer and the icy depths of Winter.

Rebels(All the lovely bad ones)

Round and around and around We went.Learnt to sweet talk mother into letting have the loose change before We knew how to tie our shoes,mother’s secret little loves and the sparkle of laughter in father’s eyes after he finds out we’ve been up to mischief.We rule the house with a playful fist,Always the cause of the laughter and fits,mostly the Ones behind mother’s broken dish.We like swings and loose ropes,We love the taste of life;bitter sweet.


We are lovely, We are bad.We are a little naughty,a little sad.

        
And now we’re too old,for the carousels and the bycicle rides and the ice cream trucks.Too grown to chase the old man’s dog,and now she’s probably had a litter of pups
We’ve seen all of life and there’s nothing more to write,but there still remains one more thing to do and everywhere else to go.Its time to go to the window and look at reality through the eyes of a dreamer.

Let’s creep past the hours and notice time doesnt love us anymore,lets go outside and stare at the firmament.Up on the clouds,there we will build our forever home because forever doesnt seem far anymore.

Look at me and witness life.Aint it a grand time to be alive?to escape the roads and take a little path.You look so alive right now,so vital with life,a bumble bee comes to land on your nose and i think its just right,What used to hurt doesnt anymore;we’ve come to understand the philosophies of life.

When We were too young,with emotions plasterd all over the place,We would throw the sad memories,the bad memories at the walls and they would ricochette.Making mistake in twos and watching them piroutte,getting excited over texts,sorround ourselves with loose friends and sleep till the days of next.

Growing up is a process ,if ever you find yourself feeling caged it’s probably because life likes to say ‘Fuck you !’ sometimes,you can do all the good and wild things you wanna do because the world will inspire you to

We smile because the worst is yet to come,We smile because we’re lucky to see the sun.The future is forgiven as long as We live in the here and now.Made in heights,We are kites and We hold on.We could be here for a while only till time comes knocking on our door telling us we’re not needed around anymore.

Two of my favorite books,I think a review..?

I believe if there’s a good movie, there’s even a better book behind the making  (uuf!i think my cat just farted๐Ÿ˜ฆ..see,even she agrees in her own way).Heck yeah, im talking about the unparalled literature prowess of Rowling and Tolkein…need i say ya’ll better know im proud to be a pure blood in this case seeing as ive read and watched both the books and movies. When it comes to these two Ill only be highlighting a few of the similarities,God knows there’s quite a few of those

Lets transition into the topic of today of the day,shall We?

Numero uno: Both Harry and Frodo start off as young orphans living with their uncles.Frodo’s been blessed with Mr Baggins who is generally Nice and loves his nephew while Harry has his Uncle Dursley(curse him) who is…well,not Nice to say the least .

2.They both feature a wise,grey bearded wizard i.e Dumbledore and Gandalf the grey…(at one point both one and the same person if I may add;)literally it’s the same actor !Acting as mentors,guiding the protagonists through their journeys.

3.Seeing as We already have the protagonists why dont We add some spice and throw in Ol’ Voldy(Voldermort) and Sauron,the two Dark Lords with extreme power,who unfortunately lose it all,use vessels to store what remains of their souls and in turn -cant take physical form though their spirit lives on and then later..regain their power again.

4.Then we’ve got Voldermort’s horcxuses and of course Sauron’s Ring in which their souls are attached to meaning if they’re destroyed both Dark Lords wouldnt survive.Fifty point for poor Smeagol hehe,i think he kinda deserved it seeing as how things ended for him.. And his precious) 
5.Dark forests;the Dark forest and Mirkwood/Fangorn from lord of the Rings.Now that i think about it,i dont know which is worse, risk the Dark forest and link up with Aragog the giant spider and his fam,werewolves and Centaurs,id count professor Umbridge here id it were possible,sadly..Then we’ve got Orks,the Nazguls and nasty Smeagol in lord of the Rings.

6.We’ve got Death Eaters for Voldy(sorry,it’s starting to stick on me )and Nazguls for Sauron who are followers who reign terror and are often sent to track down the protagonists. 
7.Talking trees that move and think for themselves ie The whomping Willow from H.P and The Ents (who btw kicked Ork butts in the battle of the two towers๐Ÿ˜rock on Treebeard!).

8.Where i done did my research called them ‘A mischievous comic relief’ pairing and here i mean,Fred&George then Merry&Pippin (these two were on some good old strong Narcotics courtesy of Gandalf and the stash they found in the tower,my OG legends from the days,see down here?these two get stoned Af)

9.Wont be able to Forget characters like Ron and Hermionie and Samwise Gamgee who teach us a very valuable lesson about friendship(reference to Ron and Sam) who both seem to express love for food only Ron can appreciate..and Oh,lookie here,they both have ginger hair.(God,Sam,i always knew  deep down You were a Wiesley)

And finally Numero Diez:Characters that have both been good and evil at various stages throughout their lives(sometimes falsely).Both have final redemption(and end up dying).We have Severus Snape and Boromir

 So,question ;Dyu think that Nazguls were in a way also a form of dementors?if so,why?also i wont mind your take on Dobby and Smeagol

 I think its really important to connect with the books You read in order to grasp the content within,You may find that some form of it is expressing itself in your life (Psychologically speaking).Its said that most of the fans of the two series have connected with the character’s lives.

The thief of happiness.

Wait till you’re announced,

Don’t look like you’re surprised,you’ve known this all along.

It’s not only the colourful houses that are noticed.

Blood isn’t the only thing you’ll be losing if you proceed

Do you forget,you are not only a flower..You are a seed.

I have a body

And I wasn’t really sure who was living in it.

I sit down to ‘re-evaluate myself And still not believe

That I wondered if I ever loved myself ,really.

I knew how to thrive in self doubt.

All the pride and defensiveness.With all that I’m sure if my heart ever did have a face,it would’ve been a frown.

Used to hide behind a mask, used to look at other things..and want.

Used to know how it is to stare at myself in the mirror,and see two different people.

Feel like two different people.

it was for me .. to put on that hijab and let it stay there.

How hard it still is not to put on some make up and stay face -clear

Hard to walk slowly..,confidently and not fear…anxiety being the order of the day ,add a little bit of tension and stir

It was almost impossible to cope with society and not bend to the pressures of my peers

I used to keep to myself a lot,to society I saw myself as a non grata..they said I had the look of a deviant

And to most,I felt insignificant.

Soon after,i don’t want to go out anymore even with the make up

I was full of excuses …they all sounded like one ofcourse,even when they were not.

Dang,I was really in a knot.

I Wanted to wallow is self pity and sadness,

Also I’d get high,zone out and pretend I was in a bar(my imagination has always been working for me )

the barmaid would ask, “Would you like a tall glass of depression to go with all that,your highness?”

Worry is a thief.Of hearts..of time..Of happiness .

I forgot to recall that I was not doing this for the world.It didn’t really owe me anything.

So here’s something for us all;

They say you are what you’ eat..kids,remember,mean words are sticky.

Every time you put that fake face on,don’t kid yourself.It shows.

Don’t try too hard to be strong,its okay to be vulnerable .

Don’t worry too much, it’s your mind and heart that wonders the most.

And it’s only when you think you’ve wandered too far that you start to feel lost.